Attention Warminster Township Police have been advised by North American Aerospace Defense Command Center (NORAD) that a life form suspected to be Santa has been tracked to Paris and is on his way to England. This suspected object is expected to be on the east coast of North America at 23:45 hours. At this point Santa has delivered 3,624,000,000 presents with the majority of his deliveries yet to occur. Warminster residence are advised to be in bed by 23:30 hrs Warminster time to ensure they are qualified to receive an acceptable Santa rating. Those found out past this time and therefore unacceptable of Santa’s generosity may be picked up by Warminster police and arraigned before the Honorable District Justice. If anyone witnesses anything suspicious or needs help during the night please call 911 and the Warminster Police. Who will respond to help you and your family. Please have a pleasant and Merry Christmas. Be Safe!!

Chief James C Donnelly